The Bachelor- And then there were 2

Ok I've got it. Courtney is dead pan for Ali MacGraw in Love Story days.






I'm really hoping the whole "karma's a bitch" thing will play out in the finale but I'm doubting it. I'm thinking this girl has it in the bag. They have way more chemistry. And by chemistry I mean Courtney has no problem using sex to win. I'm catching myself feeling a bit sorry for the girl at times- she's almost had me with the tears over her past behavior. But good old ABC loves to flashback to her previous smart ass comments which always bring me back to earth. Coming from an all girls high school, I really just feel like girls who don't get along with girls have some serious personality disorders. Clearly Ben doesn't need for us to tell him this- he knows it in his gut. He constantly brings it up with her, but for one reason or another *cough cough hot sex* can't seem to toss her.

This brings me on to Kacie B. Giiiiirrrrlll I knew it. I knew you were gonna go fuckin nuts at some point. And shit, you did it. You had to fly all the way to f'ing Switzerland to let him know just how insecure and young you are. Sweetheart, you is kind, you is smart and you is important. Did nobody ever tell you this? You don't need Ben. You don't love him. This is a bad reality show that has put you in isolation the past 6 weeks and made you more crazy. Girl, you need a friend to set your ass straight. Someone to say, "No sweetie! Don't get on that plane and fly for 16 hours to find out why he dumped your ass! Darlin' you don't need to warn him about Courtney. Honey he knows, but he likes that she puts out". You're better than this Kacie B and I'm afraid you just blew it for next Bachelorette. They can't erase hot mess.

BEN GET A HAIR CUT! Seriously. Seriously. If you are a man and are going to have long hair (and yes, as I've said previously, it is possible, though not easy), then at the very least, you must keep it well groomed. This includes but is not limited to frequent trims, use of hair product to minimize frizz and proper bone structure and masculinity to pull it off. Wearing a woman's wool trench coat does not help the situation.

Nicky- girl you got better and better as the season went on. Held together well enough at the end. Be proud girl. But throw that white dress out. Way to possible maternity for you. Yikes.

Lindzi- ugh.

It could only be me

It was a bad, bad day.

Awake barely, feeling cranky. Kids very awake and super cranky. Thousand things to do. House full of people coming in less than 8 hours. Dinner to make (so what if it's Stouffers!). Need to put away all the STUFF... EVERYWHERE!! What to wear? What will kids wear? What about tomorrow? Is pump charged for air mattress? So HUNGRY. Weigh self.  Shit, haven't even had breakfast. Cat needs food. Ok calm down. Make a list. Feed children. Feed self. Throw on clothes. Brush teeth... feeling better. Now time to cross some shit off the list. HEB. Two kids in tow. Got Baptism cake- looks precious. Maybe too small? Maybe get plain second cake. Call mom, attempt to pass this job off. No answer. Hmm... call her later.  Unload car. Start to prepare potatoes gratin for tomorrow. Dad stopping by to bring extra Stouffers. Shit, dad brings wrong item. Ok stay calm. Give dad cake to take. Shit, dad not going home. Ok stow cake in fridge... in a minute. Call Ryan to go to HEB to get more lasagna. Try mom on cell to get more cake. No answer, damn. Call her later. Flowers arrive. Smile, so pretty. Resume potato slicing with new mandolin. Love mandolin, perfect slices. Children playing. Yay feeling productive. Cat eating roses. Shit, forgot to feed cat. Shoo cat from roses. FUUUUCK! Cat was sitting on cake while eating roses. Are you EFFING kidding me!!!! Cat punctures cake, takes off. Cake all over house from cat's feet. Cake destroyed (well half). Slam phone on counter. Curse yourself for potentially damaging phone. Call mother. HOLY SHIT she answers. Prevents a death- mine or cat's... who knows? Mom laughing, me not.  Cat vomits rose leaves. Fucker. Call bakery. New cake ordered. Feeling better. Needed more cake anyways. It's just money, right? Resume potato slicing. Ella's got play-doh out. Hmm looks messy. She's busy, I'm happy. What Ella? Open more? Hmm.... FUUUUUCKKKKK just sliced my damn knuckle off!!!!!!!!!!! Does mommy need a bandaid? Yes, Ella. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. No Ella mommy can't open play-doh at the moment. Wrap finger in dish towel. Damn I liked this dish towel. Throw it away. Use paper towels. Shit... more bleeding. Shit this looks bad. Shit Ella opened the play-doh. Baby crying. Call Ryan. No you can't call me back. I sliced my Fucking hand open. Love him. He knows it's bad. Call best friend. Second time to seek medical advice in 4 hours from her. Hmm... still bleeding. Yay Ryan is home. Takes baby. Takes Ella. Head to new mini-ER. Maybe they are fast. They are. Little fucking finger stops bleeding when doc sees it. One effing expensive bandaid. Tech feels sorry for me. Gives me purple gloves. Love these. Used purple gloves at first job. Miss med city. Miss free (??) medical supplies. Miss adult conversation. Ask tech if I can just nap here. He's nice. Has 4 week old.  Pay my bill. Take survey. Yes I would recommend. Drive home. Finger hurts. Throbbing sucks. Home sweet home. Two children napping at same time. MIRACLE. Lunch. mmm. Xanax. mmm. 

Project 52: EIGHT

What a week! The blog has been pretty quiet all week and I've been dying to find a minute to write a post or two. I've spent the last several days getting ready for and celebrating baby Rhett's Baptism. My little sweetheart is now officially legit- Catholic style :-) So this week I'm definitely grateful for our wonderful family. We had lots of family and close friends in town to surround us in love and faith as we celebrated Rhett's first sacrament. This weekend was all about welcoming our little boy into the world and the church. My heart is full knowing that already little Rhett is so loved.

Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you. Jeremiah 1:5.

Favorite: Anthropology!

Who doesn't love this store? It's fantastic. From the clothes to the kitchen supplies. Love Love Love. So what's better than Anthro? A BLOG about it. I recently discovered that one of my gym friends, Molly, has this awesome blog all about Anthropology. She's rather clever in every sense. From her fashion to party planning- she has a touch of it all.
Check it out when you get a chance. You'll definitely leave with the creative juices flowing. Here's the sick part- home girl had a baby just 3 months ago and she looks perfect. Go ahead and hate her just a little for it (it's her 4th after all :)

http://anthromollogies.com/

Project 52: SEVEN

This week I'm grateful for a day at the Rodeo with my family of FOUR! Sounds a little silly eh? Well it's a long story but if you're here I'm guessing you want to hear it. We have a little tradition now of spending a day on the rodeo grounds every February. We like to bust out our boots, eat fair food, wander the petting zoo, see some pig races and watch Ella ride a pony. Last year, we had our little family of 3 and I was 7 weeks pregnant with Rhett. I couldn't have been happier. After spending a couple hours on the grounds, I started bleeding (A LOT). We were certain I was miscarrying. That would be the second one in 6 months and it was heartbreaking. Our mood went from bliss to devastation in less than a minute. We couldn't leave that place fast enough and it seemed like the car was miles away. I remember those big silent tears that I just couldn't hide. I have to say I was also PISSED. So damn sick of being in that first trimester with no baby to show for it. But several phone calls to the OB and one ER trip later, little Rhett showed up on ultrasound. I was shocked. I had resigned myself to accept that maybe Ella was it for us and we should be damn happy to have her. And then there he was. Just like that. And here we are- one year later with Ella on daddy's shoulders and mommy holding Rhett. Heaven.

Just a few thoughts...

Bachelor 16: Forgot to mention this last night, BUT in my highly reliable source (US Weekly), I read that Courtney had previously dated none other than Jim Tooth (pre marriage to Reese Witherspoon). WTF right?!??! Had to share that.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: OK so this is by far my favorite cast of the Real Housewives franchise. It is my favorite little midnight treat after everyone has gone to bed. Unfortunately we just finished the season, but I hope you will all waste a little of your life with me and watch it next season or catch up with a Bravo marathon day. I used to work at this hospital in Santa Ana, CA (just south LA) where we never had any patients (I know... that's a whole other post to write about). Anyways it was like being a lifeguard- sat around and chilled until an emergency came up. ANYHOW, I had A LOT of time to kill and frequently did so in empty patient rooms with these Bravo marathons. Really is nothing better than being paid to watch crappy reality television. That's when I got hooked on the Real Housewives Orange County. Fascinating shit. I really can't believe people live like this. So in the Beverly Hills season they feature a gazillion story lines from domestic abuse, alcoholism, suicide, sister wars and some celebrity dish (one lady is Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife and the other was married to Kelsey Grammar). Not to mention that Kyle and Kim are Paris and Nicky Hilton's aunts. DRAMA is right. So ladies if you do watch already, what are your thoughts on Brandy and Dana? Both grew on me a bit during the reunion. Really can't make up my mind on Brandy. She's rather funny in a "I want to punch you in the face" kind of way. And Dana, though terribly pretentious, a bit comical. Shit, I think I can become a fan of anyone who can be honest about themselves. I'm currently watching the RHOOC (orange county) season. CRAZY bitches. 'nuff said. More to come on this.

Photography: So many of you have asked where I'm at with my new DSLR. Well ladies, I hate to admit but I still have NOT watched the damn tutorial DVD. BUT and this is a big BUT, I have started reading a few web tutorials on the matter. One I found on Pinterest (Thanks Melissa!!) and it is rather informative. I'm learning all about aperture, ISO and shutter speed. Once I finish this, it's DVD time! Otherwise, I'm loving my new camera and have busted it out even more than I had hoped.

A little re-org: SO if you made it all the way to the end of the post here's a little picture of my latest re-organization project. I tackled that pain in the ass little wire shelf above my washer and dryer. Unfortunately I didn't do a before photo, but let me assure it was a mess of rags, cleaners and other random crap that I just couldn't reach.

A few things to note about this.
1)Yes, I label EVERYTHING. I love my label maker. Laugh away and I will label you something :)
2)Yes, I bought way too much starch. In fact, I almost never iron anything (much more likely to bust out the steamer) but shoot, when I see that shiny little coupon in my Costco packet, I just have to use it.
3)I use the hanging paper bag to collect lint from the dryer (saves me a step) AND it works super well if you are trying to get a fire going.
4)These little clear shoe boxes are just the right size for a shelf that isn't very big and that is rather high. I love that I can reach a box and pull it down and it won't be very heavy. It also helps me keep everything sorted well. Larger boxes make it harder to stay organized and can also get heavy pretty quickly.

Coming soon is a post on my new peg-board wall in my closet to hold all my jewelry! Yup, get excited!

The Bachelor- Slut is the new Weird

Well shut the damn door, Ben had a vision. PPF yo! (past present future). I believe I have a James Avery charm for this ass hole. Ladies, I hate to say it but I believe Courtney is going to make it to the final round. On the flip side, this season would be ridiculously boring without her. And just think of all the tricks we're learning from her about catching a man. Bite lip often, smush up lips and wrinkle nose, play with arachnids, twirl hair and when all else fails just F*&K him in the ocean! 

No real surprise on our losers this week. Guess he's not much for blondes. Rachel your days were numbered. I think I fell asleep during the segment entitled, "Fear Factor, Sexy Version". I know that the Bachelor "formula" is one that works. 
1)Put a bunch of gals together in isolation from the outside world
2)Have man to compete for
3)Add alcohol
But the theme of "conquering your fear relates to becoming vulnerable in a relationship" is just tiresome. I believe I would call this the worst season of Bachelor dates. There's at least 2 dates every episode that I could easily call a worst nightmare scenario for myself *still get chills thinking of having to ski down a street in a bikini*. I used to want to sign up my single friends (shout out to TRACI) just so they could take the awesome trips, but now not so much (also she got married :)

Emily- sorry you didn't make it a bit longer. I think if she hadn't become so caught up in the drama (sigh... Courtney had it coming) she would have made it a bit farther and perhaps could have been the next Bachelorette. Now she's just the bitch who got into it with Courtney and has a few cute clever raps. 

Nicki- She's growing on me a bit. I think she'll be cut next week. 

Kacie B- Girl you got some crazy 4 am hair. I was dying when she put that hibiscus flower in her hair. Looked like someone shot at her head like an arrow. Still thinking final 2 for her. Not sure why she's falling for this douche. 

Lindzi- this chick is gettin on my last nerve. Her sing songy raspy voice is throwing me over the edge. She's just so damn happy to be on these shitty dates with this shitty dude. Also I need her to stop wearing the nude lip color- it's not working for me. *cranky Amy is ready for bed*

So any of you watch Real Housewives? I love them all (except Miami!). Think I might write a few posts for anyone who has a little life left to waste on some serious reality tv. 

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Project 52: SIX

Well shut the damn door, Ben had a vision. PPF yo! (past present future). I believe I have a James Avery charm for this ass hole. Ladies, I hate to say it but I believe Courtney is going to make it to the final round. On the flip side, this season would be ridiculously boring without her. And just think of all the tricks we're learning from her about catching a man. Bite lip often, smush up lips and wrinkle nose, play with arachnids, twirl hair and when all else fails just F*&K him in the ocean! 

No real surprise on our losers this week. Guess he's not much for blondes. Rachel your days were numbered. I think I fell asleep during the segment entitled, "Fear Factor, Sexy Version". I know that the Bachelor "formula" is one that works. 
1)Put a bunch of gals together in isolation from the outside world
2)Have man to compete for
3)Add alcohol
But the theme of "conquering your fear relates to becoming vulnerable in a relationship" is just tiresome. I believe I would call this the worst season of Bachelor dates. There's at least 2 dates every episode that I could easily call a worst nightmare scenario for myself *still get chills thinking of having to ski down a street in a bikini*. I used to want to sign up my single friends (shout out to TRACI) just so they could take the awesome trips, but now not so much (also she got married :)

Emily- sorry you didn't make it a bit longer. I think if she hadn't become so caught up in the drama (sigh... Courtney had it coming) she would have made it a bit farther and perhaps could have been the next Bachelorette. Now she's just the bitch who got into it with Courtney and has a few cute clever raps. 

Nicki- She's growing on me a bit. I think she'll be cut next week. 

Kacie B- Girl you got some crazy 4 am hair. I was dying when she put that hibiscus flower in her hair. Looked like someone shot at her head like an arrow. Still thinking final 2 for her. Not sure why she's falling for this douche. 

Lindzi- this chick is gettin on my last nerve. Her sing songy raspy voice is throwing me over the edge. She's just so damn happy to be on these shitty dates with this shitty dude. Also I need her to stop wearing the nude lip color- it's not working for me. *cranky Amy is ready for bed*

So any of you watch Real Housewives? I love them all (except Miami!). Think I might write a few posts for anyone who has a little life left to waste on some serious reality tv. 

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Fashion boost for the Gym boost

So I'm hanging in there on my New Year's resolutions. Still hitting the gym and noticing that the body is changing a bit despite the fact that the pounds are dropping oh so slowly. So I'm holding off on the lululemon pants till I reach that goal. Still doesn't hurt to have a little something new to wear to the gym and Lord knows it's time to tuck the maternity tank top away! So here's a few new tops I picked up at... Walmart. Yup, they have some pretty cute Danskin workout clothes and of course, in true Walmart form, they are cheap!! Here's the loot. Now wish me luck and think good things for me as I try to shed Rhett's Hotel pounds!

The Bachelor: Code word FANCY

Note to self: Never EVER try the sex kitten routine when on national television. HOLY SHIT Jamie, that has to win for most AWKWARD tv moment ever. And of course, this would be the 5 minutes that my husband actually sits down to watch with me. He is doubled over laughing at this girl and of course it turns into, "how the hell do you watch this shit"?? This poor girl though. Seriously I'm so worried about her tonight. I think I would die a thousand deaths watching myself like this on camera. She basically wrote the script for The Soup tonight. Ok she's gonna make me say it, Bless her Heart. *note deep texas drawl as i write that* Thank God she only went to 50. You think she would have let him cup her breast at 60? hahaha sends me off into hysterics thinking of her trying to climb up on his lap. The one piece of solace here was that she proved there is, indeed, a God. That had to be the only thing that kept her dress from ripping right across her ass or even worse, hiking on up with that lap dance of a squat. I just really hate to see this girl in bed. "Ok Ben, I'm now ready for you to insert..." and I'll let you finish the rest. To my fellow nurses, did it not remind you of clinical test days and talking the instructor through your steps. **word up Kristy Lund- I'm thinking of that breath sounds exam** His reaction was pretty funny- thought he handled that hot mess of a kissing tutorial fairly well. Called her on the lameness without being cruel. Poor poor Jamie (as I will refer to her from now on)- he did you a favor. You just weren't meant for the camera darlin'. I'm sure you are lovely in real life and a ril' sweet nurse, but sugar, you just aren't bringing sexy back.

Blakely and Rachel- not real impressed by either. Blakely grew on me a bit over the season, but I think that she and Courtney are a bit alike with Courtney just being, well, more. There really wasn't room for two cougars and frankly, we know that Courtney puts out. Rachel- hmm she's too bland for me. Really liked her in the Kate Middleton blue. But her hair color is all wrong (along with her bangs- they just don't work on her- too harsh on her face). I could see her more in a Jennifer Aniston bob and color. The date sucked as well. Nothing like salsa dancing lessons for 3 with bright lights and a makeshift dance floor. #neededtequilashots

So Panama. Is it just me or did you realize that Panama was so uppity? I had no idea- looks like fun. I wasn't sure what to make of that group date. Exploiting little tribal kids...cool or not cool? I was kinda thinking if the camera had panned around just a little more we might have seen a few refrigerators and maybe even a washing machine. I just wasn't buying the whole loin cloth and bead bit as true local flair. Anyone ever been to Alaska? You ever go to one of those salmon bakes where they have locals dress as gold rush pioneers and you get all into it and then you see them taking smoke breaks behind their trailers? Had that feeling for me. And the crazy dude putting a necklace on the camera... haha...hard to look away. It was also a little disconcerting watching Courtney shake her tits at the little kids. Guess they don't have CPS in Panama.

So Courtney. This bitch has gotta go. She can't get enough of herself. She's starting to get a little scary crazy. Well that's not fair of me. It could be the syphilis (haha just had to ask my husband how to spell that and I can't begin to convey the crazy look he just gave me). Girl's got crazy eyes and wine stain teeth. Spooks me.

Kacie B- girl has a killer body. Still think she's great for Ben. Sorry to hear about her eating disorder. Anyone know how old she is?

Casey S- hahaha another riot. She seriously could be a Hilton. She talks just like them. "It's not fair, like, I can't love him, like, he won't marry me and like I just don't want to love him, like, I do" Yup I've seen this before. He'll continue to fuck with you as long as you let him. Then you finally dump him and he meets someone else and marries them like 2 months later. I believe this scenario can be explained in more detail in just one season of Sex and the City (circa Big and Natasha). Good luck with that Casey.


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Project 52: FIVE

It's a bittersweet week here at the Moody house. Our new basketball hoop received an eviction notice from the SAPD. Suppose that means San Antonio is one safe city if Officer F&*k Face has time to write us a ticket (ok ok it was just a warning but I still don't like it). Apparently they think they own the sidewalks around here (ok ok I know that that is in fact, true, but BULLSHIT I say, bullshit). Needless to say it's a sad goodbye to our hoop. You've been real good to us old boy. You stood strong rain or shine. You provided hours of fun and never complained. You didn't even mind when the cats drank the water from your base. Here's to hoping you have a happy life with some other family. Maybe somewhere with a flat driveway or fields to run wild and free in. That's right my friends, this week I'm grateful for The Hoop.

The Bachelor- A Better Ben

So my best gal pal just sent me the latest and greatest snapshot of my most adorable Godson, Ben. And we are in agreement that he would make for a WAY better Bachelor. Better hair, better dressed and better looking :)




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