The Bachelor: Code word FANCY

Note to self: Never EVER try the sex kitten routine when on national television. HOLY SHIT Jamie, that has to win for most AWKWARD tv moment ever. And of course, this would be the 5 minutes that my husband actually sits down to watch with me. He is doubled over laughing at this girl and of course it turns into, "how the hell do you watch this shit"?? This poor girl though. Seriously I'm so worried about her tonight. I think I would die a thousand deaths watching myself like this on camera. She basically wrote the script for The Soup tonight. Ok she's gonna make me say it, Bless her Heart. *note deep texas drawl as i write that* Thank God she only went to 50. You think she would have let him cup her breast at 60? hahaha sends me off into hysterics thinking of her trying to climb up on his lap. The one piece of solace here was that she proved there is, indeed, a God. That had to be the only thing that kept her dress from ripping right across her ass or even worse, hiking on up with that lap dance of a squat. I just really hate to see this girl in bed. "Ok Ben, I'm now ready for you to insert..." and I'll let you finish the rest. To my fellow nurses, did it not remind you of clinical test days and talking the instructor through your steps. **word up Kristy Lund- I'm thinking of that breath sounds exam** His reaction was pretty funny- thought he handled that hot mess of a kissing tutorial fairly well. Called her on the lameness without being cruel. Poor poor Jamie (as I will refer to her from now on)- he did you a favor. You just weren't meant for the camera darlin'. I'm sure you are lovely in real life and a ril' sweet nurse, but sugar, you just aren't bringing sexy back.

Blakely and Rachel- not real impressed by either. Blakely grew on me a bit over the season, but I think that she and Courtney are a bit alike with Courtney just being, well, more. There really wasn't room for two cougars and frankly, we know that Courtney puts out. Rachel- hmm she's too bland for me. Really liked her in the Kate Middleton blue. But her hair color is all wrong (along with her bangs- they just don't work on her- too harsh on her face). I could see her more in a Jennifer Aniston bob and color. The date sucked as well. Nothing like salsa dancing lessons for 3 with bright lights and a makeshift dance floor. #neededtequilashots

So Panama. Is it just me or did you realize that Panama was so uppity? I had no idea- looks like fun. I wasn't sure what to make of that group date. Exploiting little tribal kids...cool or not cool? I was kinda thinking if the camera had panned around just a little more we might have seen a few refrigerators and maybe even a washing machine. I just wasn't buying the whole loin cloth and bead bit as true local flair. Anyone ever been to Alaska? You ever go to one of those salmon bakes where they have locals dress as gold rush pioneers and you get all into it and then you see them taking smoke breaks behind their trailers? Had that feeling for me. And the crazy dude putting a necklace on the camera... haha...hard to look away. It was also a little disconcerting watching Courtney shake her tits at the little kids. Guess they don't have CPS in Panama.

So Courtney. This bitch has gotta go. She can't get enough of herself. She's starting to get a little scary crazy. Well that's not fair of me. It could be the syphilis (haha just had to ask my husband how to spell that and I can't begin to convey the crazy look he just gave me). Girl's got crazy eyes and wine stain teeth. Spooks me.

Kacie B- girl has a killer body. Still think she's great for Ben. Sorry to hear about her eating disorder. Anyone know how old she is?

Casey S- hahaha another riot. She seriously could be a Hilton. She talks just like them. "It's not fair, like, I can't love him, like, he won't marry me and like I just don't want to love him, like, I do" Yup I've seen this before. He'll continue to fuck with you as long as you let him. Then you finally dump him and he meets someone else and marries them like 2 months later. I believe this scenario can be explained in more detail in just one season of Sex and the City (circa Big and Natasha). Good luck with that Casey.


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