The Bachelor 17- Drinkin' the Kool Aid

I've mentally been writing this blog entry since watching the finale Monday night. And every time I sit to write it, Sean goes and effs it up. Here's my thought process:

I found the episode sluggish. Ok if I'm honest, I tuned in super late and fast-forwarded about 65% of it. Blah blah blah... I love you... you're special... pick me....you could be my future wife... blah blah blah... I don't care what mom says... tears... deliberation...I love you BUT... and shizam, a proposal.

I like Catherine. She seems unfazed by the celebrity of it. Has her own thing going on. Seems to really care for him.  Needs a trim, but otherwise gorgeous girl. I didn't really see long term anything with Lindsey. Again she seems to be more of a drive-thru liquor store kind-of-girl to me. So no surprise there. Not sure how I feel about the war of metallic dresses. Pewter vs gold.  It was all a bit too statuesque to me and a sharp contrast to the stark "altar".  Was there no budget for flowers? WTF with the tusk-like branches? Not to mention the mile hike the bitch had to walk just for him to love you, but not be in love with you. That's a walk that could use a liquor barn. And side note, I don't blame her for ditching the stilettos but seriously, my mother would have died if I walked around barefoot in Thailand on national tv. Just saying.

The proposal. Umm her face. Yeah... Not even sure what to make of those porn star expressions. Most romantic finale ever?!?! Fuck no. I wanted to laugh but I was so freakin uncomfortable I became paralyzed. It was like watching There's Something About Mary with my parents all over again. Just awkward. And naturally they ride off on an elephant. Pretty sure Catherine was freaking the eff out trying to get up on that bad boy in pumps and gold saran wrap.

After the Final Rose. Ok I was starting to buy in. Sean was a bit emotional (cheesy, but maybe he's for ril) and Catherine was all perky. They were all ready to do this thing and then BAM. Decide to sell their shit to ABC for a wedding. Now don't get me wrong. Of course I want to watch this. But I'm immediately thinking now there's some real money involved. I realize Sean gets paid to be the Bachelor but now he's getting paid to keep this chick. Eh... feels tainted.

As for Des being the next Bachelorette, I like it. But let's fix her hair. I dig her cute little bangs and a darker shade on her. She has that little hipster side to her that's super cute.  She's too plain jane with the soft curls.

Cut to Good Morning America. What the fuck. Dude you're gonna dance? No. Don't. Really don't.  This wreaks of Jake Pavelka. And you know he's gonna take his shirt off first episode. I'm over it. And you're changing skin tones.

So you thought that was it, right? Nope. Home boy shows up on the cover of People. Born again virgin.  Dude whatever. Nobody gives a fuck. Literally. Catherine's take? "I honor him". Whaaaat? You must be getting a cut of his dancing with the stars money or something at this point. Not that I think people can't remain celibate until marriage, rather there's something really weird about selling your morality to a tabloid. I don't buy it. What's next Sean? Wait I know. You'll sell your break up story.

So here's my final thought. Let's bring back Jef. He'd be an awesome Bachelor. Maybe him and Des together?

The Bachelor- Crazies be Out

The Women Tell All Cliff Notes Edition:

1- AshLee's hair. Ah-ma-zing! Loved the ombre. Well done. Dress looked a bit snug but again bangin' figure. Too bad she went all cray cray!! Sweets is delusional. I didn't buy it one for one second that Sean told her he didn't have feelings for the other girls. Wack yo. And P.S. Has home girl ever been to a frat house?? Any frat that I've ever been to (and am able to remember ;) was pretty much the opposite of Sean. Forget civility, I'm not sure those dudes showered. Ash, you kinda prude.

2. Desiree- yo girl bring back your signature bangs. She came off well. Potential bachelorette??

3. Amanda- what the fuck? Why did Chris not bring her up? 

4. Crazy drunk Ashley from first episode- What the fuckity fuck? Why no interview? 

5. Robyn- She's still too stuck on the Tierra issue and she knows it. Hard.To.Watch. 

6. Tierra- ugh. Not digging the new hair color. Hated her dress. Her lips looked different. And I don't buy that that was a real diamond. So is she now engaged to rehab ex? She got off easy if you ask me. And I think it's because no one could make sense of her babbling or enough to at least put her in her place. 

7. Selma- She looked different too. Nose? Maybe it was the center part. That shit always throws me off. Again, where were the follow up questions? What happened with her family when she went home after having kissed the dude? 

8. Leslie- Her facial expressions are hilarious. 

9. So Lindsey or Katherine? I could go either way. 

10. And as always, bloopers were the best part.