Awake barely, feeling cranky. Kids very awake and super cranky. Thousand things to do. House full of people coming in less than 8 hours. Dinner to make (so what if it's Stouffers!). Need to put away all the STUFF... EVERYWHERE!! What to wear? What will kids wear? What about tomorrow? Is pump charged for air mattress? So HUNGRY. Weigh self. Shit, haven't even had breakfast. Cat needs food. Ok calm down. Make a list. Feed children. Feed self. Throw on clothes. Brush teeth... feeling better. Now time to cross some shit off the list. HEB. Two kids in tow. Got Baptism cake- looks precious. Maybe too small? Maybe get plain second cake. Call mom, attempt to pass this job off. No answer. Hmm... call her later. Unload car. Start to prepare potatoes gratin for tomorrow. Dad stopping by to bring extra Stouffers. Shit, dad brings wrong item. Ok stay calm. Give dad cake to take. Shit, dad not going home. Ok stow cake in fridge... in a minute. Call Ryan to go to HEB to get more lasagna. Try mom on cell to get more cake. No answer, damn. Call her later. Flowers arrive. Smile, so pretty. Resume potato slicing with new mandolin. Love mandolin, perfect slices. Children playing. Yay feeling productive. Cat eating roses. Shit, forgot to feed cat. Shoo cat from roses. FUUUUCK! Cat was sitting on cake while eating roses. Are you EFFING kidding me!!!! Cat punctures cake, takes off. Cake all over house from cat's feet. Cake destroyed (well half). Slam phone on counter. Curse yourself for potentially damaging phone. Call mother. HOLY SHIT she answers. Prevents a death- mine or cat's... who knows? Mom laughing, me not. Cat vomits rose leaves. Fucker. Call bakery. New cake ordered. Feeling better. Needed more cake anyways. It's just money, right? Resume potato slicing. Ella's got play-doh out. Hmm looks messy. She's busy, I'm happy. What Ella? Open more? Hmm.... FUUUUUCKKKKK just sliced my damn knuckle off!!!!!!!!!!! Does mommy need a bandaid? Yes, Ella. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. No Ella mommy can't open play-doh at the moment. Wrap finger in dish towel. Damn I liked this dish towel. Throw it away. Use paper towels. Shit... more bleeding. Shit this looks bad. Shit Ella opened the play-doh. Baby crying. Call Ryan. No you can't call me back. I sliced my Fucking hand open. Love him. He knows it's bad. Call best friend. Second time to seek medical advice in 4 hours from her. Hmm... still bleeding. Yay Ryan is home. Takes baby. Takes Ella. Head to new mini-ER. Maybe they are fast. They are. Little fucking finger stops bleeding when doc sees it. One effing expensive bandaid. Tech feels sorry for me. Gives me purple gloves. Love these. Used purple gloves at first job. Miss med city. Miss free (??) medical supplies. Miss adult conversation. Ask tech if I can just nap here. He's nice. Has 4 week old. Pay my bill. Take survey. Yes I would recommend. Drive home. Finger hurts. Throbbing sucks. Home sweet home. Two children napping at same time. MIRACLE. Lunch. mmm. Xanax. mmm.
Holy shit, Ames. I'm sorry you had such a crazy day, but HILARITY!!! Can't tell you how much I laughed out loud because I stopped and said out loud "Oh, so THAT'S why there were 1 1/2 cakes at the reception!!" Haha!! I was wondering where the other half went off to! Hahahaha! Man, being a mom of 2, trying to get ready for an explosion of family, and a cat that decides to make your day that much harder...no person who only works an 8-5 job could compete or understand that one!! When baby Kate arrives, you'll be on my speed dial for when both kids are crying, I slice my knuckle on a mandolin and my dogs throw up everywhere. :) Love you, girl.
ReplyDeleteThanks girl! LOL I think that's hilarious you noticed the half cake. Seems like ever since Ben's shower I've been having cake issues. Haha love a penis wagon.
DeleteFreakin' hilarious. Oddly enough, I'm having that day today. I have a million and one things going on. Got the same bad news twice....in case I didn't know the first time, crying, make-up everywhere, and heading to work....awesome. My issues are totally different, no kids, no fingers being cut off...but I seriously hear you. Thank you for the laughs today....needed it! :) I'm sure it's nice to know who's stalking your blog too..
ReplyDeleteHope to see you soon.....
Thanks Jax! Oh no i hate bad news :( I hope everything is ok now. Miss you lots. It's been forever. Don't tell me we have to wait for another wedding to get together. Holla next time you are down!
DeleteOMG naughty Sug! I can't get over the pictures of the cat footprints in the baptism cake!!! It is like something out of a movie! Could totally feel the stress from the day in the way you retell it. Glad you made it through. I told Adam and his only response was, "damn, wish we could have gone to that baptism, I bet the after party was tight!" (kind of missing the point but true, we wish we could have been there!) Love you!
ReplyDeletehahaha Adam cracks me up! Tell him it was in a hotel lobby....
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